2 Months….

Yeah… So it’s been 2 months since I deemed it necessary to add to the plethora of crap on the interweb. Moreover, I think that my reason for not blogging are two fold…

Firstly, I’m a lot less morose these days – because I’m in a new, slightly more enjoyable job; I’m playing guitar quite a lot and people are really liking it; I’m singing these days, and not making a total arse of myself… and, of course – I’m no longer single!

The second reason why I’ve not been blogging much recently is due to a lack of time… By no means is this a complaint, it’s just taking a bit of getting used to! Changing to a 24 hour shift pattern and getting with Susan has meant my time off is more erratic, and I’ve found better ways to use it, rather than sit around playing Xbox…

Friends of mine, from years of old have commented on my having a genuine increase in levels of enjoyment and happiness. And why shouldn’t it? My life is pretty good at the moment – ok sure, I’m not as affluent as I’d like, I have a few concerns here and there – but nothing of any real substance, no real worries. This is something just a few days of me sat around thinking has come to realise – I’m quite well off, I’m actually rather lucky, and I’m making a resolve to be a more positive person.

Starting with the facelift of this previously gloomy-looking blog… Before it was dark and dreary and all a bit emo – it fitted, but in light of a me feeling better about me and my life I’ve opted for something a little more open, fresh and inviting.

So here it is, bask in it’s blue and yellow magnificance – and I’ll do my upmost to keep this blog, and myself, as cheery and upbeat as possible

Drugs

“I don’t drink, it dulls the drugs”

That’s one of the stickers on my acoustic guitar case… I was bought it as a joke for my birthday a few years ago, as a teetotaler, it’s not the worst joke in the world…

However, I don’t do drugs. In fact, I pity people who do… Let me explain.

If you’re taking a prescribed medication for a diagnosed medical problem – that’s fine. If you’re a recreational drug user – that’s not fine. I’m quite an open, liberal minded person – I’m pro-abortion, pro-euthanasia, for gay marriage – and up until recently I was in support of full legalization, regulation and taxation of all drugs.

I live a life that is, by most people’s standards, particularly boring. I work, I play guitar, I play video games… that’s all my life is. I don’t drink, never smoked, never taken drugs, don’t go clubbing, don’t get invited to many parties… What’s most surprising to most people is that I like my life the way it is. Oh sure, bits of it could be improved, but on balance there’s nothing I wish was greatly different. Obviously I’d like a nicer bike, or a new guitar, or a girlfriend – but I’m OK with things how they are.

My thoughts are – how empty is your life, that you have to enhance it with narcotics? I know people who at every party, barbecue, social event or day off are getting baked. I can see how my life is seemingly quite empty – I’d be perfectly happy spending my time off playing guitar, practicing scales and writing tunes – but that’s because I found things to do that give me a buzz similar to that (I assume) one gets from drugs. Why would you choose to spend your time mashed, just sitting around tripping, not doing anything constructive? Read a book, take up an instrument, go to a museum, an art gallery, a concert, ANYTHING!! There’s a fucking huge world out there – so why not put down the cookies, get off the sofa and go see some of it!?!?

Whilst I appreciate there’s an almost hypocritical element to what I’m saying – how can I malign something I myself have never experienced? – it’s the principle of it, and the far too relaxed way in which drugs are perceived and handled by people these days… Even in films such as 40 Year Old Virgin – a film almost entirely about sex – there are lots of casual references to smoking pot… It’s culturally as acceptable as drinking alcohol these days – and that worries me. I’m not comfortable with the taking of drugs, such to the point I left someone’s party this weekend just passed when they started doing lines of Cocaine…

I’m not trying to ignore the problem – I know that won’t solve it – I’m not just not cool with watching people cut up lines with an NUS card and snort blow through a £10 note…

Does that make me a prude? Or just seem a little naïve?

Dedication

I’m not sure I have the dedication I need to succeed at what I do.

I absolutely love music, playing the guitar, writing music – it’s all wonderful and love it all, but I don’t feel I work hard enough at it… I’ve not really learned anything new in a year or so, just improved on what I already knew. I barely ever practice, all I do is play for maximum of an hour a day, or am out at a jam night.

I saw a violinist friend at a mutual friend’s Belated Birthday BBQ, studying at Royal Welsh College of Music and Drama – and she says she practices 7 hours a day… and she’s still struggling to get up to the standard she needs to be. Now admittedly her music and mine are completely different, but I can’t even think of what I’d spend 7 hours a day practicing… unless I separated it into an hour on scales, an hour on chords, an hour on phrasing, an hour on arpeggios, an hour on modes, an hour on technical passages and an hour on rhythm work…

Am I really dedicated enough to work on my playing for 7 or more hours a day EVERY day? I’m worried that despite my love for music and my desire to be the best musician I can, I might get complacant and stay as I am right now… What then? I’ll have wasted a good few years of my life and gotten no where. Does everyone get this with their chosen subject?

Ebb and Flow

Ok, I’ve not written here in quite a while. My boring life has continued as such, with few notable changes, not many of them truly significant, mainly things involving changing job, vomiting and borrowing money (not all at once, obviously and not at all related, which is less obvious). There are a few things I want to rant about though, in no particular order.

One.  I am teetotal. Please try to remember that. I have zero desire to go out on the piss. So don’t invite me, if you’re hanging out, having a barbeque or a party and people are drinking, I don’t mind – but I’m not going to go out on the piss and not drink. That’s like going to a football match and standing outside the stadium ignoring the game. Missing the whole point of the excursion.

Two. I am not a huge flirt. Exactly the opposite, several girls who I fancy the pants off of I’ve barely said a word to, of which nothing was anywhere close to being flirtacious. In fact, I’ve only tried to flirt with one girl in the presence of the people who say that I flirt with everything. It takes me time to get comfortable enough around a girl to talk openly – by which time she’s probably not interested, or I’m considered just a friend.

Three. I am a real person – a response to text messages and e-mails would be nice. If I’m working I may not respond straight away, but I do my best. I sent you the same text a couple of weeks in a row and heard nothing each time, it gives me the impression you’re not talking to me, but I’ve not done anything to piss you off, I haven’t seen you in ages so can’t have done!!

Four. Yes, I’m single. Why are people so shocked by this?!? Just because I spent so much time in the past not single, doesn’t mean I can pick up a girl easily. Yes I’ve spent a lot of the time that many people have known me in a relationship – but that was with the same girl, not changing them like some people change their socks. Moreover I don’t want to “tackle drunk bitches” like far too many people suggest I do. That’s not me, that’s not my thing – so stop suggesting it!
I think that will do for now, I will no doubt think of more things to rant about, but that’s for another time…

Downhill

Is the direction in which things are headed…

Basically, I was a bit of a argumentative dick towards the girl I like… I’m not proud, and I’d like to apologise for that now. (If she reads this and knows that I’m talking about her)

Basically, I got all high and mighty, belittled her and her friend and more or less destroyed the tiny sliver of a chance I had with her in the first place. Fucking good job there, Adam!

This got me thinking – I’ve told only a few people in my life how I feel about them. 3 most recently – they’ve all gone really well… Most recently the girl more or less turned me down, the time before that was ignored, and the time before that the girl in question and I didn’t speak for about 18 months… I’ve thus reached the conclusion that letting my feelings out is a bad idea, and thus I shalln’t be doing that from now on. It does nothing but cause problems.

I’ve pretty much ruined my sole chance of achieving anything close to happiness for the foreseeable future, which sucks… But she was aware of how I felt anyway – if nothing else I’ve secured her as a friend. For now at least! If we still speak in 6 months I’ll be amazed, but that’s another story…

Snobbishness…

…May or may not be a real word. However – I feel the need to talk about it.

 

More specifically Musical Snobbishness. I completely understand, support and appreciate the fact that people have personal preferences. If we were all the same the world would be a very boring place.

 

However, I do not like the close-minded way people dismiss music. I have a huge passion for music, I love it more than anything in the world. The feeling I get playing a gig, or making an audience just lift their heads slightly and and go “Oh!” at something…  Is one of the best feelings in the world. (I would have said it’s better than sex, but it’s been so long I don’t really remember…)

 

People will dismiss entire genres of music because it’s not cool, their friends don’t like it etc. etc. If you just look at my previous post – 5 albums, only 1 of which is really one a “proper” blues musician should like (DSOTM)  Even writing that last sentence seemed paradoxical. To be a proper musician, I should demean the work of others?  How can depriving myself of influences be good? Would you tell a painter that to be good at art you should ignore Rembrandt, Monet or Pollock?? 

 

Album number 3 from the last post is Mud on The Tires by Brad Paisley – a country album. OK, so maybe a few stereotypes of country music are correct. However, every genre of music has stereotypes:

• Rap music is all about pretentious black guys telling you how they had a hard life on the streets – selling smack to 5 year olds and getting shot at by people who stole your parking space. Who, because of all this injustice have to punctuate every sentence with “mother-fucker” or variations thereof.
• Rock Music is all about dumb white guys who spend their time scoring cheap drugs and cheaper stalker groupies, while wearing ridiculous stage clothes and turning everything up to 11!!
• Metal is all about people who sit at home, alone and cut themselves, venturing out only to gigs where people scream about how they cut themselves alone at home – whilst occasionally breaking the monotony by worshipping Satan and engaging in ritual animal slaughter
• Pop music is all about white jail-bait teens bouncing around on stage, going out and getting wasted every night, checking into rehab, getting arrested for DUI and ending up pregnant by a guy they’ve barely known.

 

This is not always true – I know this – however, people tend to make these assumptions. So I’ll let you all in on a little secret:

 

I FUCKING LOVE COUNTRY MUSIC!

 

For all the reasons mentioned before “it has a sense of humour you’ll won’t hear in any other genre, and some scarily accurate home truths you won’t hear in another genre” - it’s a great genre – here’s the chorus from a Brad Paisley song (You Need a Man Around Here) from another album (Time Well Wasted)

 Someone to kill the spiders
Change the channel and drink the beer
Seems to me that you sure need
A man around here

How brilliant is that? A little sexist perhaps, but you’d never get lyrics like that in Rap or Metal… Here’s a selection of Rap lyrics  (incidentally, this is taken from the Dr Dre song “Bitches ain’t shit” – a song which I plan on doing a cover of in my acoustic set…)

  I used to know a bitch named Eric Wright
We used to roll around and fuck the hoes at night
Tighter than a motherfucker with the gangster beats
And we was ballin’ on the motherfuckin’ Compton streets

I appreciate that Dr Dre is perhaps not trying to reach out to myself in the white, British audience – and so I don’t like this music, because I find I cannot relate to it. The Brad Paisley song however, I can relate to. I vividly remember taking care of a few spiders for my then-girlfriend, I was King of the TV Remote – and she drank the beer…

 

What I’m doing a really bad job of saying is – don’t just assume that because something is different or “uncool” that you won’t like it… A prime example is I actually quite like Dizzee Rascall (in small doses) – I also really like the pop singer-songwriter music of Duffy, Adele, Amy MacDonald, Damien Rice et al. I like the rock music of Led Zeppelin, Cream, Guns ‘n’ Roses, Foo Fighters (less so) etc. Equally there are bands from those genres I don’t like – I don’t like Britney, Leona etc. or rock bands like Whitesnake and The Wombats…

 

People are entitle to their opinion, but don’t just dismiss an entire genre until you’ve really listened to a wider range of it…

Music

A unique subject for this blog I know… but there’s a difference. I’m not talking about my music, or music I play - but a few recommended bits of listening. My Top 5 records of the moment…

 

    1.   

Hand Built By Robots – Newton Faulkner  

 

Whilst I think the guy looks ridiculous – his vocal and guitar skills are impressive to say the least. The first single Dream Catch Me was excellent, his cover of Massive Attack’s Teardrop is brilliant and in fact there’s very little I don’t like. The one minor criticism I have is I think that there’s a little too much sitar on the album. On UFO, the sitar is great, it works quite nicely – but there’s also an instrumental that is just a guitar and sitar – and much as I like the sitar as an instrument, it doesn’t really do it for me on that track…

 

    2. 

 

Rockferry – Duffy

 

Despite my borderline hatred for the Welsh – Duffy has impressed me greatly. The best of the recent post-Winehouse soul singers – her album Rockferry is just epic. The first single Mercy has been number one on the continent, and is a light taster of the Dusty Springfield influenced soul that Duffy herself has had a heavy hand in writing. For me, stand out tracks include the next single Warwick Avenue, and Serious. If I was to make one small criticism is that perhaps she sounds a little too much like Dusty – but then again, it works.

    3.

Mud On The Tyres – Brad Paisley

 

“Who?” I hear you ask. Brad Paisley is a fabulous country guitarist and singer. Don’t switch off! I like country music – it has a sense of humour you’ll won’t hear in any other genre, and some scarily accurate home truths you won’t hear in another genre. Moreover, this particular album has perhaps the most beautiful song about breaking up and drinking yourself to death- Whiskey Lullaby. It truely is magnificant – even if you only listen to that one song, it will probably change your life. It also includes a couple of songs on the nature of celebrity – in the songs Celebrity and Famous People

 

   4.

The Dark Side Of The Moon – PInk Floyd

 

Yes, it is 34 years old. However, today is the 20th anniversary of it eventually leaving the US Billboard top 200 album chart. The mathematically competant readers will have realised that it stayed in the charts for 14 years. THAT IS NOT A TYPO. 741 weeks it was there. Despite it’s age – It is still one of the best albums ever made. It is an epic masterpiece, with every sound, sample and vocal perfectly mixed and produced. Everyone knows about the way it sync’s up to the Wizard of Oz (best achieved with a CD of DSOTM – you start the album on the 3rd roar of the black and white MGM lion) Conspiricy nuts will tell you that the album cover for DSOTM having a rainbow on it no coincidence… Well, yes it is. Even if you ignore the Wizard of Oz – you have an incredibly powerful album. After the surreal intro when the first Em9 chord of Breathe basically shimmers into your ears, you know you’re in for a treat – and this album does not disappoint. The divine vocal solo on Great Gig In The Sky - The epic decending chords in Us and Them – the 7/4 lilt of Money, that seemlessly switches to 4/4 for the guitar solo, and then back again - the reprise of Breathe being seemlessly brought back at the end of Time… I am nursing a semi every time I hear that change… One of the best albums ever made. Fact.

 

    5.

Riot – Paramore

 

Ok, so it’s a female fronted pop-punk band that borders on Emo… But that’s a good thing. Paramore write good, catchy songs. The singles haven’t done well over here – but Misery Business and crushcruchcrush are pretty damn good. As for them being borderline emo, they do it a way that isn’t whiny – it’s Emo that will make you want to wear black and cut yourself. It’s a simple, youthful, fun album that is full of energy and life. Whilst the musicianship is not of the highest calibre, they do what they do extremely well. I like this band – and they’re first album is as good, if not a bit better. I’m loving a bit of pop-punk right now, why not also check out another american pop-punk band called Yellowcard for some more great energetic tunes, my favourite of there’s being from their newest album Paper Walls, the song called Shadows and Regrets.

 

Those are my Top 5 at the moment – I might put one of these up every couple of months. We’ll see. For now, TTFN xx

Society

Another rant, featuring heavily from the Unpublished Archives…

 

I hate youth culture of today…

 

The drum and bass, binge-drinking, happy-slapping yobbery of young people today sickens me. The degradation of women, worse I feel than when we were denying women the vote. The worrying increase in crime, teenage pregnancy – and equally worrying decline in manners, morality and overall intelligence. All of it a terrible, terrible reflection of life on our quaint little island… There is however, one thing that makes my blood boil more than all the above…

 

Heat Magazine…    OK, so not just that particular publication, but all the imitators of it that have followed suit. The idea that the only way people will ever be successful, is if they look good. Ever heard of not judging a book by it’s cover?? It’s a vile, insipid culture that does nothing but cause problems. The youth of today have enough to deal with, peer pressure to try drugs or skip school, deal with the problems listed above, on top of having to deal with being at school and the associated stress with the increasing number of exams and pressure on succeeding for the sake of the school… I think the last thing that young people today need is to have nationwide publications flaunting the ideal that only by losing weight, dressing and looking a certain way can you be successful…

 

It’s utter horseshit…  I don’t subscribe to the belief that the cover of a book represents the quality of what’s within it. I have a huge number of friends who are female – many of whom, at one time or another, I’ve had a thing for. The reason for this is that they’re good, nice people – and any attraction stems more from that than anything else. They were people who I know, and with whom I shared interests, people with a good sense of humour – and a lot of the time, looks were a very small part of it. The fact that someone looks good is not a precursor to them being worthy of praise, admiration or success.

 

Let’s take a look at the nature of ‘celebrities’ today… You’ve got former Big Brother contestants - who are basically famous because they got locked in a house with cameras for a few weeks… You’ve got musicians, actors and actresses - famous for partying, promiscuity and drugs rather than their actual talents… In fact, you’ve got people who are famous just for being famous… Take Paris Hilton – famous because she is in line to inherit her father’s fortune, and made a video of her sucking off her boyfriend… Why are these people held up as role models, as people who’s actions should be applauded and encouraged?

 

Whilst admittedly many of my heroes and idols have a history of heavy drinking and hard drugs – many of them are now clean, and regret their former habits. I think most people would look less surprised at me if I told them I was a Nazi, than the look I get when I tell them I’m teetotal. The usual follow ups to my declaration of being teetotal are “What’s wrong with you?” or “Are you mad?” or “Oh, what a loser!”   It’s a personal choice to not drink, people are totally cool with me not partaking in cannabis, tobacco or any other drug I’m offered – so why is my decision not to drink such a problem? Are their lives so empty that they have to ridicule me, to justify the fact that they can only experience anything close to joy through getting wasted and throwing up outside the kebab shop?

 

At the end of the day (and the end of this very long rant) what I guess I’m trying to say is – I make no attempt to be something I’m not – not attempt to conform and I refuse to compromise who I am based on what’s deemed ‘popular’ or ‘cool’. Yet, society would have you believe that I am completely abnormal, because I’m not obsessing over my weight whilst drinking myself to death. And that, is why I hate modern society.

Jealousy

Jealousy my devil
Jealousy my hell
Jealousy insomnia
Jealousy sleep well

 

The above lyrics are from a not too well known Stereophonicssong – and although the rest of the song is a little surreal, that part, that opening verse, has struck a chord with me. (No pun intended)

 

1. luxuria
2. gula
3. avaritia
4. acedia
5. ira
6. invidia
7. superbia

For those of you not so up on Latin, those are the seven deadly sins – Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy and Pride – I’m not overtly religious, and if I was I wouldn’t be preachy about it, least of all here. However, I am a fan of literature, films and history.

Whilst I’m easily guilty of 6 of 7 sins (I’m not a particularly wrathful person) – it is envy that is the most predominant right now. Thankfully – Dante Alighieri doesn’t specifically sit me in any circle of hell for Envy at least – and for any of my other sins, I’d only get in to the 5th, possibly the 7th (depending on how blasphemous I’m deemed to be). I will however, get eaten by the Leviathan – thanks to St Thomas Aquinas. Bastard.

Away from classic poetry and theology – and back to the modern, real world. I’m envious of so many people, for so many things… I’m envious of people with girlfriends, people with good jobs, people without money worries, people who do what they love for a living… Whilst I don’t expect any of the people I’m envious of to shoot me in the head (reference to the film se7en there…) It worries me that I am so insanely jealous of people who have, what basically is a normal life… I’ve been single for nearly a year. A YEAR!! Whilst I know it shouldn’t bother me, it does. If it was through choice then obviously it wouldn’t be a problem – but I seem to have lost whatever it was that made me who I am. Or should I say who I was… I used to be funny and articulate and a decent person – and I still am. At least, I think so – but many people would probably disagree.

In the past year I’ve met lots of new people, made new friends and been reacquainted with old ones - and from this, how many people have I felt a connection with, good enough to perhaps make a relationship from??  One.  That’s right, One.  It hurts even more the fact that she, as far as I’m aware – considers me as nothing more than a friend or acquaintance than anything more. I met her at a reacquainted friend’s party, and have spoken to this new friends more than the old in the last year. I say spoken, we exchange e-mails and talk on MSN. Which cuts out any human connection, and it sucks.

I’m a little more leveled out these days – I’m no longer constantly depressed, I no longer have to put on a front that things are ok. I’m no longer bottling up my stress, depression and rage. I’m still a decent, caring person – I’m a musican - an artist (of sorts) – I’ve got a huge amount of passion, enthusiasm and emotion, but I can’t get it out through my music.

So it manifests itself as jealousy. I’m jealous of what I could have, what other people have, and that jealous fuels a dwindling depression. It’s not helped by the fact that I’ve had two girlfriends in my life, only ever slept with the one (contary to whatever you may hear from other people) – and I continually hear about people’s sex lives. Whilst I do hate the derogatory attitude that many of the people my age have towards women, I can’t help but get jealous of their ability to do it - that they are attractive enough, suave enough, perhaps even obsequious enough to do that – I’m not, and I hate being ignorant of, or unable to do anything.

Why can’t things be simple? I know what I want, but getting it is so difficult and draining, when you’ve got the smarm-osaurus ways of every other male of my age picking up girls left right and centre, how am I - a humble musician - ever going to attain a happiness I’m told I deserve?

An interesting after thought to this blog – talking about having only slept with one girl in my life, on MSN to that one girl a few months ago, a conversation along the lines of this transpired, which if anyone could help me understand what the hell she’s talking about, It’d be greatly appreciated.

Her: You must have girls falling all over you – you must’ve hooked up with loads of girls in the last six months

Me: Nope, not one

Her: What really? You’re joking, I thought you’d have had loads

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

Ok – so the past fortnight has been kinda… Well actually really fucking weird…

 

OK – so:

 

1. Cello music is still not done – I’ve had other things to think and obsess about
2. Still single – because I’m a hideous teetotal freak of nature
3. Got asked to join a couple in a threesome… Which was weird and extremely awkward…
4. I had a birthday party/event – and people turned up. A good time was had by all, and I managed to break out the purple gig hat
5. I finally, after 4 years got my finger out and applied to do a Higher Diploma in Popular Music Practice at the Academy of Contemporary Music in Guildford.

 

Here’s the fucking weirdest bit…

 

6.    I GOT IN!!

 

 

If I can sort out he finacial side of it, from September, I’ll be studying music full time at a conservatoire!! (Technically, it’s a conservatoire but as it deals with contemporary music, conservatoire is a rather archaic word for them)

 

I’d ideally like to put a Paypal donate button here, for if you wish to help fund my musical education, however – I’m too lazy to search Paypal for the HTML to do it – so if you want to help I’ll put your name on my guitar, or thanks on an album that I play on…

 

How’s that for a great deal? Personally, I’d go for Your Name on my guitar – imagine the interview with me in Guitarist in a few years time…

“So, you’ve got a list of names on your guitar, why is that?”

Me: “Well, it goes back to when I was studying music….”