Another Update – twice in a month!!

So, I decided to give my blog a bit of a tart-up… maybe this new spangly layout will inspire me to write more often… Unfortunately, inspiration is something that’s quite hard to come by right now… Am I the only person who sometimes wants to just go to sleep and wake up in 2/3 years time?? Not as in be asleep for that long, just be able to fast-forward through these next few years… Right now I’m less than a week away from my birthday – this isn’t something I really care about – but I think back to last year, and where I was and how I was doing…

<p>I preparing for my ACM audition, I was working full time, I was… OK.

<p>Or was I? I was doing a job I didn’t really like – with people who I got on with, but we weren’t amazingly close. Outside of work I went to lots of jams, and wasted my weekends doing… nothing.

<p>And this year?? I’m working part time in a job I don’t like – with people I get on with, but am not amazingly close to. Outside of work I go to less jams, work weekends or waste them doing nothing… True, I go to ACM now, and have met some amazing people there – but that’s coming to an end in 13 weeks… I imagine after ACM the same will happen as happened with school and college – that everyone will forget about me in a few days, and I’ll return to the glorious state of mediocrity that I used to inhabit.

<p>I’m sat here, looking around my room – and subsequently my life… It’s scattered and a mess, there’s bits of music and music paraphernalia all over the show – but is there enough to do anything with?? I’m OK at what I do – I know that – but OK isn’t enough, neither for me nor anyone wishing to employ me as a musician. On Sunday, I went to a blues jam – and I played the first song of the night – and I played really well, even by my own standards… I thought to myself “Actually, I’m pretty good” – and throughout the evening I managed to prove to myself that it was just a massive fluke… Today I spent an hour playing along to blues backing tracks, I watched a friend’s blues band on youtube, and realised that *I* should be doing that… But I’m not – and it’s depressing me.

<p>I’ve alseo decided to give up with the girl mentioned in my last post. I’m not going to continue to kid myself that she could be mine – there’s no point in me beating myself up over something that’s not going to happen…